Imagine an archeologist in the year 4019 excavating an ancient commercial site. He discovers what was once called a shopping mall during his investigation.
Inside the mall, he unearths a Hallmark store. And after a few days of careful digging, he finds a display of Mother’s Day cards. What impressions would his discovery offer regarding twenty-first-century mothers?
Common Impressions of Mothers
He would think moms were the most favored and pampered people in the world. Moms appear to be the most loved, respected, and served individuals. The words printed on Mother’s Day cards confirm this. His impression would be that motherhood was the most sought-after profession in the culture. Would his impressions be correct? Hardly!
Contrast this fictitious future story with reality. Motherhood is hard. It’s poorly valued in our materialistic and narcissistic culture. The truth is that mothering includes joys and sorrows. Mother’s Day can remind moms of both loss and happiness. Many have lost their moms. Some moms have lost a child. And then there are moms who have young children at home. Working together with dad, they enjoy family functions, outing, and celebrations. Women birth children who deeply love them and also raise children who cause them great sorrow. For a lot of moms, Mother’s Day includes mixed emotions.
Mother’s Day and the Church Calendar
Mother’s Day originated from the efforts of Ann Jarvis who desired to honor her recently deceased mother in 1905. By 1912 a number of states, towns, and churches adopted Mother’s Day as an annual holiday. Mother’s Day officially became an American holiday just over a hundred years ago (1914). It was President Woodrow Wilson who signed a measure officially establishing the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.
Mother’s Day was never part of the Church liturgical calendar. The Church organized its calendar year solely around the life of Jesus Christ. Interestingly, Mother’s Day was included within the Easter Season. Mother’s Day falls between the celebration of Jesus’ death and resurrection and his Pentecost ascension.
Mother’s Day is celebrated during a Christian season filled with joy and sorrow. There is sorrow over the death of Jesus and joy because of his resurrection. There is initial sorrow over him leaving at his ascension but great joy comes with the promise of the Holy Spirit. Jesus’ death painfully disappointed his followers. However, after three days, they received him back from the dead, filling them again with joy. Jesus’ ascension included both joys in the promise of the Holy Spirit and sorrows because of him physically leaving. And at Pentecost, their hearts were again infused with great joy. Easter is a season of mixed emotions.
Mother’s Day falls between two celebrated monumental events in Jesus’ life. These events were filled with joy and sorrow, similar to what moms feel on Mother’s Day. Being aware of these contrasting volatile emotions can provide a healthy Christian perspective on what moms feel during this special day. And it helps fathers and children know how to appreciate a mother who faces this day with mixed emotions.
A Biblical and Realistic view of Moms
The Bible is realistic when it addresses motherhood. It doesn’t idealize mothers and it doesn’t exalt or venerate them. And motherhood isn’t considered the only goal for women.
In the Bible, we find women who are blessed and who suffer much. Women are not always portrayed as chase, or fully devoted to their husbands, or raising well-behaved children. Ruth faced much sorrow when she became a widow and lost her two sons. Rachel, Hannah, and Sarah were unable to bear children. Eve and Mary lost their sons under terrible circumstances. Scripture describes mothers facing diverse situations; some thrive and prosper while others are discouraged and they face horrific situations.
A worldly view of mothers paints them in an unrealistic picture. It claims a good mom never yells. She always serves her family. She never loses her temper; never becomes visibly frustrated; and instantly appears whenever her children yell, “Mom!”
She always knows whose clothes are whose. Clothes are washed, pressed, mended, and ready to wear at a moment’s notice. Her hair is always in place. She’s never late and never says “No” when family or church needs her. Family meals are always on time and the house is always immaculately clean. And with all this on her plate, she still finds time to memorize Bible verses with her children, spend time alone in prayer, and read through the Bible every year. This sounds more like a description of Wonder Woman than a real mom.
Dads: Get on Board
Men often don’t fully appreciate what it takes to be a godly mom. We think motherhood is easy, natural, fun, and full of recognition. If mom doesn’t know what to do in a situation dad can always offer free advice on how his mother did things (see how far that gets you!). And if that doesn’t help, there are always those magazines at the grocery checkout counter that offer four easy steps to just about anything a mother is struggling with. These approaches perpetuate myths about motherhood.
Being a mom isn’t easy, natural, fun, or always rewarding. The Bible describes moms, wives, and grandmothers realistically. They suffer, experience difficulties and hardships, are taken advantage of, deserted, tempted, and emotionally vacillate. Scripture describes women as having fallen. They live in a fallen world. And they run out of resources, need encouragement, and often face exhaustion.
Here’s some good news. Scripture doesn’t burden moms with the standard of perfection. It describes motherhood realistically and offers practical advice. To do this, the New Testament prioritizes several short lists of characteristics designed to keep life and its struggles in perspective. These shortlists simplify what it means to follow the Lord as a mom and make motherhood manageable.
God’s Expectations of Moms
Three passages in the New Testament reveal God’s realistic expectations of mothers. They focus on thirteen attributes that, by God’s grace, are obtainable. Of these thirteen characteristics, four surface as most significant (through repetition); and one of these four emerge as a controlling quality to which the others adhere.
Two of these passages are in Paul’s pastoral letters written to give instruction on how to develop godly church leaders. The other verses, located in Peter’s first letter, taught Christians how to live in the face of persecution. Here they are.
Biblical Attributes of a Godly Mom
“In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything” (1 Tim 3:11 NIV).
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:3-5 NIV).
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful” (1 Peter 3:1-5 NIV).
Reasonable Expectations
God doesn’t require perfection from anyone. As we look at these lists, Paul and Peter only refer to thirteen characteristics (see below). These are obtainable character goals for women who desire spiritual maturity. They are attributes God deems important. These lists help partly because they are brief and simple. God’s will isn’t burdensome. It’s helpful. And with the Spirit’s power achievable. His will for moms is that they reflect his divine qualities.
One particular divine characteristic highlights the other twelve. This quality organizes the other twelve qualities. It’s the key to developing all thirteen godly attributes.
Paul and Peter refer to it as submission (it’s repeated multiple times in the lists). Jesus is our example of how to submit to the Father’s plan and to one another. However, his submission didn’t mean he was less divine than the Father. And it didn’t degrade his being. Rather, godly submission is a voluntary, willful, and deliberate choice to support another. Jesus freely chose to die for us just as the Father planned he would. In the case of a mom, it means getting behind dad. A woman who freely and willingly submits her life’s expectations to God’s plan thrives.
The Meaning and Power of Voluntary Submission
And this is evident in her support of her husband. Biblical submission pictures a soldier getting behind his comrade in need and helping him finish the Crucible (the final test in Marine boot camp). A helper offers strength and supports another in need. Eve was this person for Adam. She was his helpmate (Gen 2:18).
Submission isn’t demeaning. It’s a behavior of a strong leader and friend. It’s what godly women voluntarily choose to do. Moms effectively get behind their husbands to support God’s plan for their family. And when mom aligns with God’s attributes, her family finds a helper and resource unmatched outside the home. She becomes a light illuminating God’s path for everyone in the home. This quality begins when a proper understanding of biblical submission is grasped.
The Christian family doesn’t need a Hallmark mom. They need a godly mom. A mom that reflects the attributes of God. A mom who is authentic in her development of God’s qualities.
Dads and children, celebrate Mother’s Day in a Christian manner by thanking and appreciating mom for her efforts to reflect God’s attributes. Solomon wrote: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Pr 31:10 ESV). Let mom know how valuable she is. She is the soldier who supports the pursuit of godliness in the home.
Thirteen Attributes of a Godly Mom
(A translation of the characteristics listed in 1 Timothy 3:11, Titus 2:3-5, and 1 Peter 3:1-5 (see above))
* Indicates an emphasis through repetition, ** Indicates a controlling biblical attribute
Reverent
She thinks and behaves by faith as she grows in godliness.
Respectful and dignified*
She honors and trusts Jesus as her Lord and Savior without compromise.
Grace-filled words, not malicious or slandering*
She measures her maturity by controlled and loving speech.
Temperate, no addictions*
She isn’t self-indulgent but disciplined. She maintains a sound mind.
Trustworthy
Her words are faithful and she follows through on promises.
Teacher of good things
Her private world is holy and she instructs younger wives on right living.
Love for husband and children
She’s friendly and acts sacrificially toward her family regardless of vacillating feelings, difficult situations, or when unappreciated.
Self-controlled
She manages her physical, psychological, and emotional desires while remaining unobtrusive and moderate.
Possess an inner unfading beauty
Her gentle and quiet spirit reflects a meek and peaceable spirit, and she moderates efforts at displaying outward attractiveness.
Pure*
Her dress is modest. Her behavior is blameless. And she consecrates her thoughts to God.
Domestically industrious
She is productive and protective of her home. She isn’t lazy, selfish, rude or neglectful, but takes responsibility to keep her home.
Kind
Her concerns and actions benefit the needs of others.
Willingly supportive of her husband (submissive)**
She is teachable, chooses to advance her husband’s call, humble in her own development as a servant leader, encourages her husband to believe in Christ.
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