Using the themes found in Proverbs 22:6 to guide parenting techniques
Raising good kids is a complex endeavor of protection, direction, discipline, and freedom. Any good parent doesn’t want to see their children put in harm’s way.
Nor do they want them to wander through life without any constructive direction. This will require a balance of discipline and freedom. By discipline, we mean training a child in proper behavior and motives. By freedom, we mean allowing children to make mistakes without ridicule or belittling.
The Value of a Mistake
The best athletes are not those who don’t make mistakes, but those who learn from them. For some students, there is no better way to learn or be motivated than to face failure and then someone come alongside and help them out of it. This is true in parenting too. Don’t leave a child to sulk in their mistakes. But also, don’t ignore the opportunity to train them on how to avoid and overcome faults.
We previously learned that parents can fail in their ability to direct their children or neglect to train them in the ways of the Lord. And yet, some children simply don’t respond to discipline and reproof. Their personalities and circumstances can produce a child who is difficult to train or whose self-esteem is so dominant they don’t listen to correction or respond positively to negative consequences.
Rebellions Children
As hard as a parent tries to train their children in the Lord’s ways some kids simply don’t move in the right direction. Even when parental engagement is consistent and faithful, it doesn’t appear to impact a rebellious child’s actions. When this is the case, what does a parent do? How can a parent direct an unresponsive student?
The reality of parenting is that there’s no golden key that unlocks every child’s heart. There’s no magic formula to ensure a child turns out wise and honoring. The Scriptures are clear—not all kids turn out the way we wished. “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke” (Pr 13:1 ESV). Some children scoff at rebukes. The Hebrew word for scoffer comes from the verb (Loots) and implies a mouthy child, a son or daughter that talks back or interprets the problem as being someone else’s concern and not theirs.
A Child’s Heart is Corrupted
Realizing that every human heart is tainted with selfishness is a good place to start when trying to understand how to raise godly children. But to be effective parents we must delve deeper into the cause and motivation of destructive behaviors. Many influences direct a child off course and into danger.
King David realized he was sinful by nature. He willfully sinned, but that was caused as much by his nature as it was a description of his actions (Ps 51:5). He also realized that first and foremost his selfish and destructive behaviors were directed against God (vs 4). And third, he eventually recognized that his transgressions and sins were bad things he was responsible for (vs 3).
Transgressions and Sins
There are two ways children rebel. They can transgress and they can sin. To transgress is to act in such a manner as to deliberately break down a relationship, such as with God and with parents. It is a rebellion against authority and rules. Rebellion ends in one of two ways. Either the child reacts against the punishment and resents authority or the corrective process restores their relationship to God and their parents resulting in growth and a return to being faithful.
Sinning is somewhat different from transgressing. A transgression is the breaking of a law or rule and often refers to God’s moral standards. A sin is a failure to do the right thing. This can happen either through negligence, ignorance, or inability. To sin is to offer God and one’s parents less than total obedience. Sinning literally means missing the path or way of life God intends (Job 5:24, Pr 19:2). Another way of understanding sin is that it is an act that is morally untrue. It’s an act that destroys morals rather than builds a student up. Sins, like transgressions, must be dealt with. Otherwise, they will lead a child away from the way God intends him to go. It’s willfully acting unfaithfully toward God’s commands.
Faithfulness Is Not Perfection
The opposite of rebellion is faithfulness. Both in Hebrew and Greek, the word refers to a person who is solidly firm in doing what is right. God described Moses as a faithful man. He wasn’t perfect but he was trustworthy (Num 12:7).
Jesus described a servant who was known for his faithfulness (Mt 25:21). In this occurrence of the word, Jesus refers to a person who is consistent in his work even in the master’s absence. He was faithful, not in the sense of believing, but in being a trusted person. This servant was sure of what needed to be done and did it. He was true to the commands of his master. He was a faithful servant.
The Process of Forgiveness
Whether a child is transgressing or sinning, the parental response is the same. That child needs to go through the process King David identified in Psalm 51. Each offense must be confessed that the child was solely responsible for the act. Second, he or she must recognize that specific act as wrongdoing. Finally, apologies must be given to God first (in prayer) and then to whoever was disobeyed or let down (in person). The result is that the transgression or sin is dealt with and over.
Here’s a simple formula I have used in raising my children. It helped them with the consequences of sin and guilt and it restored the broken relationship as well as put behind them their mistakes. First, they confess that the action was their doing and no one else’s fault. Second, they admit the action was wrong and take responsibility for it. Third, they ask the other person (and God) to forgive them for what they did. It was not uncommon after this process took place that I would bless them with a reminder of God’s promise to forgive and no longer hold this action against them.
Freedom From Sin
This simple but effective response to transgressions and sins has allowed our family to move on from offenses and to let them go. We don’t bring up again an offense, even if it’s repeated. Once forgiven the action is no longer held against the student. This is how God deals with our sins and is a model for parents dealing with their children’s sins (Mt 18:21-22).
The process of restoration is effective because Jesus treats us in this manner. When we confess and take responsibility for our wrongdoings, he offers us forgiveness. Jesus bore the sin of many and makes intercession for our transgressions (Isa 53:12). He removes our transgressions from us as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12). In other words, sins that are forgiven are so completely dealt with that they are never again to be reintroduced.
A second parenting principle is to deal with transgressions and sins in such a manner that they are resolved and don’t accumulate into bigger problems. And, parents are to train up a child in God’s way of overcoming the consequences of sin. When a child witnesses a parent properly dealing and resolving a sin they too learn how to do the same in the future.
Picture Attributions: Couple on a path by Vidal Balielor, Jr. @ Pexel.com, Fallen soccer player @ Pexels.com, Man shooting an arrow @ Pixabay.com, Young businessman by mentatdgt @ Pexel.com, Dad with son by Hanna Nelson @ Pexel.com.
For more on how to deal with a child’s heart click on Paul Tripp’s book title: Shepherding a Child’s Heart.
