Using the themes found in Proverbs 22:6 to guide parenting techniques
Raising godly children is a complicated matter. It depends on good parenting and a child’s responsive heart, but also, parents must recognize that each child is uniquely designed by God.
A child’s uniqueness is reflected in the way they respond to varying degrees of discipline and encouragement.
As a parent actively engages and trains their children in the ways of the Lord, those children will see, understand, and respond to instruction and correction differently. No two children respond exactly alike to the same discipline and training.
The Power of Choices
A third dynamic in raising children is the power of their choices. When we consider how God disciplines us as adults, we can better grasp how to discipline our children and how to adjust our approach to disciple as they mature.
When God disciples he reasons with us (Isa 1:18). This is a fascinating aspect of his discipline. The dispute is not over what we did. God doesn’t debate with us as equals nor does he compromise his moral standards. Our sins are wickedness to him. He reasons with us and convinces us of the value and need to be restored.
Covenant Keepers and Breakers
God takes time to train us as adults in righteousness. Righteousness is not perfection but a condition of the heart before God. Our children are either covenant keepers or covenant breakers. As Christians, our children belong to the covenant God has made with us (1 Cor 7:14). This is a helpful way of viewing the behavior of our children—especially when we need to be patient with them after they have sinned.
It would be a mistake to accuse our children of not being Christians every time they sin. We all sin and fall short of God’s expectations and we do this throughout our lives. But it helps to realize that transgressions and sins are violations of a covenant relationship with God and one’s parents.
When children sin, they break God’s covenant. When they obey, they keep God’s covenant. This simple but effective perspective aids parents and children in understanding that wrongdoings adversely affect their relationship with God and their parents, but it doesn’t condemn them forever.
Good Choice Training
A parent can’t control and should not make all the choices their children face. The best form of parenting is to train a child in making good choices. Will your kids always make good choices? Obviously not. But the process of becoming a self-governing responsible adult and faithful follower of Jesus includes making good and bad decisions. It takes a student time to learn how to make good choices.
A South African soccer coach led our team of coaches and young women players to a regional championship. One thing I learned about coaching that I applied to my parenting from this wise man was that allowing the girls to fail encouraged them to experiment to the point they developed the ability to critically think on the field.
He didn’t focus on their every mistake. Nor did he remove them from the field because they slipped up against an opponent. Rather, he allowed them to make mistakes to learn the right way to attack an opponent and win the ball. The result was that these girls learned to love the game of soccer and significantly improved their soccer skills. They made a lot of mistakes, but they also won a lot of games!
Parenting is Like Coaching
This coaching method directly applies to parenting. If a parent constantly harps on the failures of their children, those kids will resent correction and reprimands and lose their confidence that they can make good choices. They will become self-conscious of their mistakes and relationally shut down. No one wants to be embarrassed by their blunders.
On the other hand, a parent that corrects key issues while allowing their children to learn how to make good judgments on their own will be prized for their wisdom and gentleness in dealing with youthful faults. The parent who does this is rewarded with a wise student able to make wise decisions.
Reproof and Rebuke
Two English words translate one Hebrew word. “Yakah” relates to rebuking and reproving. These two English words describe the moral correction process of parents who attempt to raise godly children. Although these English words are synonyms, they do carry slightly different meanings in the Bible.
Rebuke means to show strong disapproval or to criticize another’s behavior. It’s getting into another’s face for doing wrong. It’s said of God that for a time he was silent but then he rebukes and lays charges before the violator as is done in court (Ps 50:21). There are times when a parent needs to accuse and correct their child (but always in private). Unfortunately, many parents are too quick to rebuke their children and they do it in front of others, thus embarrassing and discouraging them.
To reprove also includes a reprimand and punishment, but the blame and disapproval must include an offer of relational restoration (Pr 1:23). A rebellious child will scoff and hate the parent for being confronted, but a responsive child develops into a wise person and loves their parent for restorative discipline (Pr 9:8).
I Want More Discipline
If I could ask my parents to give me more of something as I was growing up, it would be discipline. I needed a parent to train me in the ways of God. Unfortunately, I was raised in a non-Christian home.
My parents loved me, but they didn’t know the Lord. As a result, I was often left to my own devices—and they weren’t always God-honoring. Correcting children trains them to make wise and good choices before God. This training must be intentional and directional if it’s to be effective.
The Power of Prayer
We know that raising godly children is a complicated and difficult task. No parent is perfect and no child responds flawlessly. We need to train our students in making good choices and that takes time, the making of mistakes, and lots of encouragement.
Yet, as Christian parents we have great hope and confidence that if we “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Pr 22:6 ESV). Where do hope and confidence come from? This is the final question we will answer as we deal with the four critical influences that mold our children.
God Controls the Complexities of Parenting
Hope and confidence in raising godly children come from the truth that God controls the complexities of parenting. If God can turn a king’s heart wherever he wants it to go then with certainly and hope we can believe that God can direct our children (Pr 21:1). This grace is found in praying.
Parental prayers for children are to be daily, consistent, and hopeful. Prayer is a form of humility before God as we face the mammoth task of developing covenant-keeping children. The ways of a child appear right to him or her, but the Lord knows their motives. And only the Lord can transform their hearts of willful rebellion and selfish desires into hearts that loves God and respects adult authority.
Children left to themselves destroy things and the complacency of parents contributes to their demise (Pr 1:32). However, parents and children who listen to and obey the ways of the Lord dwell securely and avoid disaster (vs 33).
There are two paths a child can take. He can go the way of righteousness or wickedness. Unfortunately, parenting is so complicated that no one can ensure positive results with every child. None the less, Scripture offers this promise: the parent and child who avoid wicked counsel, sinful company, and make godly choices will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water (Ps 1:1-3).
God Answers the Pleas of Parents
I can’t prove it but somewhere someone must have prayed for me to come to Christ. There were no practicing Christians in my immediate or extended family. I had no reason to come to Christ and no one to lead me to him. Yet, God found me. He chose me and called me to himself. God uses the means of grace called prayer as part of the process of bringing wayward children to himself. As a parent, it is a powerful influence on children who are not listening to your advice.
God promises to respond to parental pleas (Gen 21:16). God wants our children to be covenant keepers. This is our hope and confidence (Ps 78:5-6). God loves our children more than we do (Rev 3:19)! Let us, therefore, as covenant parents never underestimate the power of a mother’s or father’s prayer for their wayward children. Always trust in the grace of God. He promises not to abandon our covenant children to their folly (Pr 14:18; 24).
Powerful influences: Choices and Prayer
The book of Proverbs offers two final parenting principles. Parents need to be realistic in their expectations of their students. They will make mistakes. Make sure you provide room for them to make them, correct them, and grow in grace.
Second, never underestimate the means of grace called prayer. God answers the sincere prayers of concerned parents. He controls our parenting and will cause his will to be done in our house and that will be a blessing. Be assured that as we wait on the Lord he will transform our covenant children.
Picture Attributions: Couple on a path by Vidal Balielor, Jr. @ Pexel.com, Goalie @ Pixabay.com, Decision sign by Gerd Altmann @ Pixabay.com, College girl by Anastasiya Gepp @ Pexel.com, Maze by Arek Socha @ Pixabay.com.
