Western culture has overused and abused the word love. It can mean as little as “I love pickles” to “I want to love you and commit my life to you.” Movies over-romanticize love. Men have problems using the word love. This causes it to lose any masculine (and biblical) overtones it might have possessed. And, when love refers to God, men often have no sticky places in their brains to relate the word to their lives.
How does a man love God? The answer to this question defines how he will love his wife, kids, family, and others who are close to him. The ultimate source of love is God. The Bible defines love in relationship to how God loves and cares for his people. Fortunately, Jesus’ closest friend, the Apostle John, wrote about an incident the disciples had with Jesus that helped them as men define the meaning of love and what it looks like for a man to love God (Jn 21:1-17).
John the Beloved
John had a close relationship with Jesus and was known as the beloved one (Jn 13:23). He is one of the New Testament authors who wrote extensively about what it means to love God (see his first letter in the Bible). In a story about the disciples going fishing as they waited for the resurrected Jesus to meet with them, they went fishing. During this occasion, Jesus met with them, ate breakfast with them, and Jesus taught Peter what it meant to love God (in front of his friends).
John mentioned for a third time in his Gospel that Jesus proved to them he rose from the dead by physically appearing. This time it was on the northern side of the Sea of Galilee, near a rock close to the shoreline. Jesus serves them a breakfast of fish and toast cooked over an open fire and had a conversation with Peter and the group of disciples about what it meant to love God.
Inviting someone to share a meal is an eastern friendship custom. It expresses a level of interest and trust in the one being invited. Jesus loved these men and wanted them to know just how much he loved them. So, he invited them to eat with him for the last time. Jesus also took this opportunity to teach them one final lesson. It was about what it means to love God.
The Need for Faith and Patience
Previous to this encounter with Jesus, he asked them to begin preaching the Gospel (Mk 16:15). But they didn’t. They lost their focus. Peter, in particular, became restless, returned to his trade, and led the others in going fishing rather than obeying Jesus and start fishing for others. Just before dawn, the men saw a silhouette on the beach about 100 yards away. They probably thought he was a customer waiting to buy some of their fresh catch. Unfortunately, their net kept coming up empty.
Then Jesus called to them from the shore, “My boys, don’t you have any fish?” His address was somewhat unusual but remained respectful. What was strange about his address was that he used a word a dad would employ to call to his sons. The closest phrase we have in English would be to call out “My boys.”
His question about the morning’s catch expected a negative answer. Jesus knew their efforts for the night produced nothing. There is a lesson here for men. When we sense God saying “Do my will,” we need to trust him immediately and obey. To do something else would be fruitless, as was the fishing expedition of the disciples. Men need his wisdom and guidance, which comes as we believe and serve him. This will take patience and waiting on the Lord. But waiting doesn’t mean inactivity or doing something else that isn’t an act of faith.
An Awkward Moment with Jesus
Jesus’ voice caught their attention, even though they didn’t initially recognize him. His face remained darkened since the sun had yet to break over the eastern mountain ridge. Several of them responded in unison “No, we caught nothing.” For a moment their attention shifted away from themselves, the boat, and the empty net as they addressed this stranger. In response, Jesus directed them to cast the net over the right side of the boat. By now you would expect them wanting the customer to go away and quit pestering them. None the less, they took his advice and made one final cast of the net. To their amazement, they caught 153 large fish; more than what the net usually held and certainly more than they expected or needed.
About the same time, the sun rose over the mountain ridge. Its rays illuminated the face of the dark figure. John first recognizes that it was Jesus standing on the seashore. But it was Peter who immediately put on his shirt and dove into the water to be with Jesus. When the other six finally anchored the boat just offshore, they smelled fresh grilled fish and toasted bread. Jesus had anticipated their arrival. Breakfast was prepared and ready. There, on a rock next to the water was a charcoal fire with fresh fish and warm bread roasting. Jesus asked them to join him and to bring some extra fish.
It was a little awkward at first. They weren’t supposed to be fishing for fish. The disciples were silent, expecting a rebuke for their lack of obedience. This wasn’t the first time Jesus caught them disobeying his orders. They were told to proclaim the Gospel. Instead, Jesus found them working in their old profession. And doing so without Jesus’ blessing, which was evident with their failure to catch any fish. That is until Jesus directed them to where the fish were.
How a Man Loves God
After the meal, Jesus drilled Peter on how much he actually loved him. How does a man express his love for God? Jesus asked Peter this very question. And he did it in front of everyone. “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these men (emphasis added)?” Jesus was asking Peter if his affections (interests) toward him were greater than those of his fishing buddies. After all, Peter once claimed a commitment greater than any other disciple. He claimed he would die rather than deny Jesus (Mt 26:33-35).
Now, after the cock crowed and Peter failed to stand on his own and acknowledge Jesus as his God and King, he humbly responds to Jesus’ question by saying, “Yes, Lord, you know I love you.” However, Peter doesn’t use the same Greek word for love that Jesus used. Jesus asked if Peter “agape” him. This is the word for sacrificial love. Peter responded using the term “fileo,” which refers to friendship. He is humbly reminded of his initial claim to die for Jesus and his failure to uphold that commitment even before a lowly servant girl. Peter isn’t so bold anymore. He no longer claims he can serve Jesus better than the others.
But Jesus isn’t satisfied with his answer. So, he asked him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” This time the question isn’t a comparison but simply asks if Peter sacrificially loves Jesus. It’s like asking, “How committed are you to me?” Jesus is challenging Peter’s claim that he is really a true friend. Peter responds again with a “Yes,” but he can’t bring himself to use the word “agape” to describe his love for him. He sticks with the more general term “fileo.” “Agape” is too strong of a term. Peter claimed he loved Jesus like a brother, but the word “agape” implied such a high commitment level–something Peter failed to do. Peter knew that he couldn’t sustain such devotion. Yet, this is exactly what Jesus is asking of him.
Do You Love God?
Jesus still isn’t satisfied with Peter’s response. Peter isn’t hearing what Jesus is asking. So, he asked him a third question. This time Jesus uses Peter’s own word “fileo.” “Do you love me?” Jesus was now asking Peter, “Do you think that you can truly care about me even as a brother?” Finally, Peter is brought to his knees. He’s completely humbled at this point in the interrogation. He realizes what Jesus is trying to teach him. He can’t love God without God’s help.
Jesus teaches them that they can’t love God without God’s help. Peter breaks down with heaviness and sorrow. The others, struck with their own failures, must have also been silenced. They finally understand what Jesus is trying to say. Peter knew he had failed Jesus and so did the others. And they all realized their inability to love Jesus even as a fellow brother. Without God empowering a man to love him, no man can truly love God the way God loves him.
A friend of mine (Dr. Jack Miller) once said: “You are worse off than you think, but God loves you more than you love yourself.” This was the point Jesus made with Peter. How does a man love God? Well, every time Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, he was explaining what it means to love God.
To Love God is to Obey Him
To love God is to obey him. And the only way we can obey him is by using his strength to do so. Our most devoted feelings and our most determined efforts aren’t enough to please God. We are more self-centered than we can think or imagine. It will take God, through his Word, to illuminate just how much we need him. When we see how much we need him, then we will begin to love him in the way he wants to be loved.
God is specific with Peter as to how he is to express love for God. God calls men to feed and care for his family with “agape” and “fileo” love. He wants men to show sacrificial commitment and make it their pleasure to serve others as their friends. Others see a man’s love for God through his actions and accomplishments. That is, to care for, protect, and feed his followers. For men, loving God is an active verb. It’s something we do. We care for his family, the Church.
Peter couldn’t love Jesus on his own strength. Earlier he tried to but failed. He was concerned about what others thought of him and about protecting his own skin. Peter was to do, at all cost, what was best for God’s people. And even if this would cost him his life (eventually it would mean giving up his own life (vs 18-19)).
Put Other’s Needs First
Jesus put us first (1 Jn 4:19) by dying for us. Now he expects us to do the same for his people. Men: put the Church’s needs above your own. One of the differences between “agape” love and “fileo” love is that “agape” love stresses the sacrificial nature of love, whereas “fileo” love usually refers to a deep mutual friendship. Jesus wants both from us. That is how men show they love God. They put the needs of others above their own.
The three questions asked of Peter related to his three earlier denials. Jesus was forgiving Peter for his offenses of denying he even knew Jesus. We are empowered to forgive and love others because we are forgiven. This is the foundation for serving others in Jesus’ name. Regardless of whether or not someone deserves care, men care. No matter if people are respectful, we respect them. Regardless of whether or not they love, we love them because Jesus forgives and loves them. To love God is to love others as God loves them. And that requires seeing them through the eyes of divine forgiveness, just as Jesus forgave Peter.
The Church grows through men loving God. That is, they actively serve, initiate service, and give service even if the cost is high. Jesus challenged Peter to show love for him in this manner. And this challenge is for every man. Masculine love isn’t self-fulfilling. It’s caring for another. It costs to care for and feed God’s people. And by God’s grace, he equips men, through forgiveness and acceptance, to love him by serving others in his name.
Picture attributions: Pexel.com, Olkesandr Pidealnyi @ Pexel.com, Parth Piplani @ Pexel.com, Bruce Mars @ Pexel.com, Gabrnela Palai @ Pexel.com, Abhiram Prakash @ Pexel.com, Lukas Rychualsky @ Pexel.com, Freerangestock.com, freebibleimages.org, and travelthruthebibleshow.com.
